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Sunday, March 30, 2014
A Top to Bottom Ranking of the 24 Best Man Butts in Hollywood
Image courtesy of www.rosshero.com
Source: www.buzzfeed.com
Apparent butt firmness: 4
Overall butt thoughts: Nice butt. It’s a little pale, but then again this IS the place where the sun doesn’t shine, so we can’t fault him completely for that.
Apparent butt firmness: 5
Overall butt thoughts: This is an Academy Award-nominated butt, but(t) it’s clear why it’s not an Academy Award-WINNING butt. Haha. Hahhaa. Haha.
Apparent butt firmness: 7.6
Overall butt thoughts: Look at that butt walk around that giant loft! No more thoughts on this butt.
Apparent butt firmness: 7
Overall butt thoughts: Ah yes, the classic camera pan to a naked man standing in front of a mirror. And when he looks into his reflection, all he is thinking is I wish I could see my own butt.
Apparent butt firmness: 6.8
Overall butt thoughts: The sheets are really getting in the way here, which is problematic. But the butt is front and center for long enough to realize that it’s a good butt!
Apparent butt firmness: 7.1
Overall butt thoughts: Sometimes the butt NEEDS to be seen, so it will send signals to the brain telling you that you need to inch over on the bed and find a new comfy spot. This is one of those times. Bless the butt!
Apparent butt firmness: 4
Overall butt thoughts: This butt might not be the most firm, but it certainly has spunk!
Apparent butt firmness: 6.3
Overall butt thoughts: This is just a glimpse of the butt, so it’s hard to tell what we are working with here, but from the millisecond that it appears, it seems to be A-OK!
Apparent butt firmness: 8
Overall butt thoughts: While this is only side butt, it still counts because it’s a beautifully bronzed side butt. AND SIDE BUTTS ARE PEOPLE TOO!
Apparent butt firmness: 8
Overall butt thoughts: Here we have some underwear teasing, which makes for a fun surprise once the butt is revealed! Good butt!
Apparent butt firmness: 7
Overall butt thoughts: Unfortunatly this butt can’t be judged fairly because the person that this butt belongs to is wearing sneakers while nude, so the whole composition is thrown off. Still, he ranks.
Apparent butt firmness: 7.7
Overall butt thoughts: Ah! Classic running-out-of-a-door butt! Adorable, isn’t it?
Apparent butt firmness: 8.5
Overall butt thoughts: If that incredibly long braid wasn’t so darn distracting maybe this butt would have ranked higher. Maybe next time, Drogo.
Apparent butt firmness: 7
Overall butt thoughts:This butt is loud and proud and ready to walk the runway.
Apparent butt firmness: 7.5
Overall butt thoughts: This is pre-Captain America, so his butt has some toning to do, but extra points given for the dessert decoration and edibility!
Apparent butt firmness: 8.7
Overall butt thoughts: Another side butt, but worthy of a million front-facing butts. Zac’s toilet pose proves butts can take any form and still be perfect.
Apparent butt firmness: N/A
Overall butt thoughts: It’s almost impossible to tell firmness or anything else because this butt flashes before your eyes quicker than you can say “beluga whale.” But there it is, and it belongs to Jon Snow, so points for him!
Update: As of 3/26/14, Kit Harrington has revealed that this actually isn’t his butt. In an interview with GQ he said, “When it came down to it I had a broken ankle, so the only time you saw my ass, it wasn’t my ass.” It is still a nice butt, so whoever’s butt it is, you get to stay.
Apparent butt firmness: 8
Overall butt thoughts: YOU WALK BUTT, AND WHERE YOU WALK, I WILL FOLLOW.
Apparent butt firmness: 8.8
Overall butt thoughts: This one is called “butt runs through a field of greens and hides in a shed.” It’s adorable how scared this butt is of the world, but there is nothing to be scared of. We will love you, Butt, and give you only the best things in life.
Apparent butt firmness: 8
Overall butt thoughts: The man literally has ass in his NAME. He was born to show off his tushy cheeks.
Apparent butt firmness: 9
Overall butt thoughts: Don’t let the blur stop you from seeing a true half-god-man’s butt that is sweaty from the hot Grecian sun.
Apparent butt firmness: 8.9
Overall butt thoughts: Nothing like a hot bath to warm your butt and keep it cozy. Great display of cheeks here.
Apparent butt firmness: 9
Overall butt thoughts: THIS IS THOR’S BUTT. It’s also a tired butt, look how it falls on the bed, exhausted after a long day of being trapped in pants.
Apparent butt firmness: 9.5
Overall butt thoughts: THIS BUTT RIGHT HERE IS A BUTT HANDED FROM GOD ON TWO PLATES. ONE PLATE HAD ONE CHEEK, THE OTHER PLATE HAD THE OTHER CHEEK. TOGETHER THEY FORMED THIS BUM BEAUTY.
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