Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Letter from JP Morgan CEO to Gold Diggers


Source: www.laluttecontinue.tumblr.com

A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here.

I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty" and “money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position".

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO

Disclaimer: Notwithstanding its authenticity, the purpose of this post is for entertainment only, and not to be taken seriously.

99 comments:

  1. Tarush ng reply! Pak na pak

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    Replies
    1. It's how the world works! Kaya ung mga magaganda e nakaka do ng mga ganito! Pero malapit na ang katapusan nyo!

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    2. it's appalling how she's too lazy to work and she's too lazy to research on being a gold digger - wants tips from one site for free

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  2. Now we know why he become a CEO, clever!!!

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  3. I love him na!!! Hahaha

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  4. I've read the article before, good that you posted it. Hysterical laughing :):):)

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  5. BURN!!!!! HAHAHAHAA! (cue music: gold digger by kanye west)

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  6. Actually, he has a point, very straight-forward yet not insulting. In the world of businessmen, everything should be a good investment. Cinderella stories are very rare nowadays.

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    Replies
    1. si girl naman ang nauna eh.. kung paano n'ya ininsulto ung mga hindi abot sa $500k ung annual salary..

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  7. Nganga!!! Supalpal si ate!!! Lol

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. AMAZING REPLY! Hehehe. :D Basag si girlie.

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  10. If only that CEO has the same wit in managing JP Morgan's finances. lolz

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    Replies
    1. He has, FYI 6.5 BILLION dollars ang profit ng company this year compared to last year na 5 billion dollars only. Heck 2013 has yet to end!

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    2. thanks for defending the company but please note that those are QUARTERLY numbers

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    3. Jamie Dimon is our boss. Just so you know..he is the financial adviser of OBAMA and why somehow na resolved ang ang financial crisis sa US.He is such a man. He aged gracefully with such a charm like Richard Gere!

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  11. Hahaha! Eat that B*t*h. Ang taas ng lipad kc ni ate

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  12. Wag kasi umasa sa pera ng papa magtrabaho din kasi kung gusto ng luho diba

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  13. DOM pwede pa siguro sya makahanap. Pero make sure marunong kang magalaga sa mga oldiess

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  14. Very well said Mr. CEO! Beauty isn't everything, it fades. Guys with high market value will always settle for girls of their same kind

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  15. Hahahahaha.... benta!!!! ~ P

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  16. Thats my bank JP Morgan Chase.

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  17. Tama beauty fades but his money not. Aanhin mo naman ang asawang puro ganda, eh puro bgastos din ang katapat nyan. Kaya nga ba si si Mark ng FB pinakasalan ang swangit nyang Asian girlfriend pero matalino at doktora...yung engagement ring ang liit pa. Yan ang businessman. Ang asawa ni Bill Gates di rin kagandahan although isa syang Caucasian, pero matalino rin at katu katulong ni Bill gates sa mga negosyo Nya .

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  18. Way to go Jamie Dimon....glad to have you as our CEO

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  19. Hahaha! Ang talino ng sagot! :) - gwapongstraight

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  20. Wow! Galing ni J.P. Morgan. Tama sya, beauty fades. But brain and good atttitude last longer if not forever.

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    Replies
    1. Uhm, CEO sya ng JP Morgan. Hindi JP Morgan ang pangalan nya.

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    2. JP Morgan is another person (deceased)

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    3. ta*n* dito ako napatawa ng hust!!! JP Morgan daw ang nag-advise! bwahahaha! bwahahaha! bwahahaha!

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    4. LOL! di ka pa buhay teh, deds na si jp morgan hahahahaha!!

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  21. basag si ate. . Winner ang reply ni Mr. CEO. straight forward yet not insulting. VERY WITTY!!

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  22. ngayon alam ko na sasabihin ko sa mga gold diggers....chos!!! hahaha

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  23. To the anonymous that replied AnonymousJuly 31, 2013 at 12:24 AM
    If only that CEO has the same wit in managing JP Morgan's finances. lolz

    The fact that the company is still around means, the CEO knows what he is doing to keep the company solid.

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  24. The CEO can face future bankruptcy caused by bad business judgment, so iyong sinasabi niya na my money will not be gone w/o any good reason, di iyon totoo. Business involves a lot of risks & ang daming CEO na na-bankrupt. Anyway, money can be earn thru a lot of means naman, by being born with it, inheriting it, marrying it (kagaya ng naisip ni Ms. Pretty) & katulad ng sinabi ni CEO working hard for it - "And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool."

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    1. U can't b a business person if ur not positive kaya sinabi nya... his money will not be gone without any good reason. Besides losing in business bec of bad decision is better than losing it to a golddigger.
      Let's not correct a CEO who has already proven something.

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    2. tama ka 3:00. nagmarunong pa si ate na wala naman yatang napatunayan hehe CEO pa ang tinuruan!

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    3. c'mon..do you really think these rich folks put all their money in one basket??? they became rich because they know how to handle money..if their business goes bankrupt, rest assure that more than half of their liquid assets are well secured, in a far afar away place, untraceable, seriously...money handling lesson 101....................ie. Donuld Trump..so many times bankrupt but able to get back to business, yes with little help from lending but he has money hidden far far away that's why those company are more than willing to lend him coz they KNOW.

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    4. rest assure - assured
      Donuld Trump - Donald
      those company- companies

      You seem to know a lot about big monies, but your grammar and construction suck big time.

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    5. Wow ang galing mo naman sa grammar. Ikaw na! Bigyan ng jacket! Hahaha.

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  25. BUUUUUUURRRNNNNN!!!!

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  26. May this be a lesson to all gold diggers, pwede ba magbanat kayo ng buto! Mga bata pa naman kayo, wag nyong sayangin ang panahon at K***y nyo by selling yourself to these earth-smelling oldies. Rise up and live good!

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  27. Hindi nagpatumpik=tumpik si kuya! BOOM parakaraka! :-D

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  28. Good b**ch slap for her! If you know what you want, make sure you know what you can offer!!

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  29. hahaha. korek! pero bakit nga kaya sila ganon? antatamad ayaw mag hanap ng work. ang pinupuntirya ay mayayaman. daming ganyan kahit dito sa pinas.

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  30. Haha! Supalpal si ateng!

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  31. Hahah, totoo ba ito? Supalpal ang sh**ga.

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  32. JP Morgan chase was bailed out by the US tax payers kasi na bangkarote sila! Tama ang sinabi ni CEO pero kung walang tax payers, for sure abo na ang company na ito. Too big to fail... what a crock.

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    Replies
    1. huh? you sure? i don't think so..

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    2. get rich by risking other people money.

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    3. ANON 3:13 AM, thinking has nothing to do with it, try mo i-research nang maunawaan mo.

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    4. Morgan stanley po ung nabankrupt di jp morgan.

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    5. parang di naman teh.. choserang palaka ka naman..

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    6. JP Morgan Chase was bailed out... google mo naman paminsan minsan...

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    7. JPMC didn't need the bail out money. they accepted to be polite to the President. They had bought 2 companies that time so they weren't broke. They returned the bailout money as soon as they could.

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    8. AnonymousJuly 31, 2013 at 4:27 AM - that's how banks and other financial institutions do business, fyi

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    9. To Anonymous July 31, 2013 at 2:21 PM:

      Eto ba yung sinasabo mong article?

      For those who opposed the massive bailout, a report in the New York Times may be little surprise. A reporter was able to get into a telephone conference call with JPMorgan Chase to hear executives discuss the $25 billion it received from Congress. Just four days after the bailout, JPMorgan Chase’s chief executive, Jamie Dimon held the conference call during which an executive admitted that Chase has no intention to use the money to make new loans but instead will use it to try to take over other companies.

      Iba yata ang nabasa mo kasi sabi doon sa article, gagamitin nila yung bailout money to take over other companies. Mali ang chismis mo ate ha ha.

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    10. hoax. jamie dimon didn't write this letter.. and jp morgan chase was never bankrupt. they were the first to return the funds to the governement and was able to acquire wamu. get your facts straight! jpmc is the most stable bank in the US.

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  33. It goes to all people who worship beautiful women and think they're the only ones who should marry rich, young men. Dito pa naman sa Pinas ang karaniwang mentalidad ng tao ay kapag dyosa nararapat lamang sa isang prinsipe, pero kapag di kagandahan, kahit marami naman maipagmamalaki bukod sa pisikal na kaanyuan, di pwedeneg maging jowa ng prinsipe. Nasanay kasi sa fairy tale stories kung saan kegaganda nina Cinderella at Snow White. Beauty fades, but net worth, name worth won't.

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  34. Extremely beautiful girls are like expensive homes or cars. High maintenance. You can't make money from them, you need to spend on them. Not exactly a good investment unless you rent them out or sell them for a higher price. Rarely do we find women who are like the rarest gems or the most precious metals - pleasing to the eye and have substance - now those are good investments.

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    1. Ako yung sinasabi mo and much more. I'm a rare gem because I'm nbsb, low maintenace and brainy, too. :)

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    2. at 3:31 yeah and insecure to the point that you have to post it here.

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    3. @3:31 AM Anon
      mild narcissism

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  35. Aanhin ang ganda kung may sapak at aanga anga at higit sa lahat parasite.

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    1. Which are the typical characteristics of gold-diggers :)

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  36. Ahahahah....nice assessment.Though to the CEO:are you sure all your money comes from an honest investment?I don't think so.So, there's no big difference between you and the gold digger,you're both greedy...

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    Replies
    1. but at least he knows how to play money.

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    2. Yes but he worked for it, the gold digger just want to spend it.

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  37. hahahhahaha I so love his reply !! Straight to the point and very REAL ! Everything he said is true and she should take what he said with a grain of salt. she has a better chance getting herself to earn more than 500k than finding a rich fool...

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  38. and to the woman who wrote the letter....there is such thing as a pre-nup you know...even if they marry you ,most rich folks will only be willing to shell out certain amount of money to you when they divorce you...business baby! money money.

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  39. You never failed as Papa Jamie, as always.. very smart! :) - Proud JPMC employee.

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  40. Why buy when you can lease and get an upgrade every year.

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  41. Dun na lang sya kay Hugh Hefner mag-apply as wife baka sakali pa patulan sya

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  42. Naalala ko bigla ang mga success stories (pinays married to foreigners). Buti pa sila kahit hindi kagandahan nakakabingwit ng porenjer. Si ateng sender, potassium (potassium - po*a na, assuming pa) talaga, kung maganda ka pero hindi ka marunong mag-alaga ng iba, waley. Learn a thing or two from pinays na mapamaganda man o hindi sa panlasa ng iba sa atin, ayun sila pa rin ang wagi.

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    1. Hindi naman porket foreigner, mayaman na. Hindi naman porket foreigner, catch na. You are so prejudiced. Clearly, you haven't gone anywhere outside the country. You can't assume that just because a Pinay marries a foreigner, success story na. Mahirap ang buhay sa ibang bansa.

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  43. Hahahahaha!despicable woman

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  44. I am not sure if this is a hoax or c JP Morgan talga ung sumagot, pero nabasa ko n to dati pa.

    Kisses06

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  45. Kung talagang pretty si Ms Pretty, mag work nalang siya as model. If sexy siya, Pwedeng kumita as Playboy model. Tapos mas mapapansin siya ng rich-dirty-old men, ala Anna Nicole Smith ang peg. Pero naging masaya ba siya? In the end, she commiteed suicide

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    Replies
    1. Proves that money doesn't buy happiness

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  46. good reply though.yeah, why waste time in finding a rich fool when you, yourself can try to earn $500k annually.

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  47. The Girl can dream. Look at the wives of Donald Trump, that old guy who publishes Playboy, Anna Nicole Smith (RIP).

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  48. ako okay lang na maka-Date sila. but to Marry them? It's a HELL no to may' (me) hindi naman sila seryoso eh. it's all ' bout money honey.

    - Maneater

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  49. Excellent and intelligent reply!

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  50. Winner...napahiya si pretty girl.

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  51. True! Beauty fades and money can be earned through hard work. Aanhin mo ang ganda mo kung wala ka namang pinag aralan, ganda lang ang puhunan mo. Pano na pag tumanda ka? Edi wala kang pension..

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  52. Nakita ko talaga ang "advice" instead of advise. Hehe. In fairness, JP Morgan got some bail-out money from the Feds to stimulate economic activity not because na-bankrupt sila. Diversified rin ang portfolio nila so any loss from risky investments ay na-rerecoup pa rin nila.

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  53. This is amusingly different from the posts I have ever read in your article!! Love it!!

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  54. Aanhin pa ang ganda kung utak moy pulbura! How feelingera kasi this pretty gurl! Napa all caps OUCH! ka tuloy kay CEO. Wagas!

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  55. Haha! Malaking sampal sa mga greedy na p**p*k! Dream on! Work you a** off geez you lazy b**ch.

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  56. An appropriate reply for gold diggers but I don't think it's a legit letter from Jamie Dimon.

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  57. Panalo! Kasi totoo lahat. Hanggang GF, mistress at F-buddy lang ang labas ni Ms Pretty. Kaya lahat ng jewelry, bag at sapatos na makukuha niya, dapat alagaan niya para mabenta niya sa Ebay pag discarded na siya.

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  58. JP Morgan's office in Makati is so big and maliwanag everynight.. sa bandang Estrella papuntang the Fort. kita nyo yun?

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